I always feel that I have to know EXACTLY what I want in my life. As if there can never be a point in time where I’m just going with the flow of things.
But of course NOTHING in Life is guaranteed. Nothing in life can ever really be planned to the smallest of details, without something coming up to change those details.
This way of thinking has brought me the most anxiety and frustration. It’s not other people’s opinions and expectations of me that are a burden. It’s mine! And so this year, I have decided to take a different approach.
As women we are good at the details and great at planning. I was just talking to one of my girlfriends the other day who swore the solution to limiting her chaos and “laziness” was to plan out every single detail of her life.
I’ve decided to see, just as an experiment, what will happen if I DON’T plan out every single detail of my life.
Honestly NOT planning scares me. Does it scare you too?
When I don’t have a detailed plan laid out for what I think I should be doing I feel out of control. As if my life is left to chance.
But there is nothing further from the Truth. Not planning and being flexible about changing the plans I do make has offered me a lot of freedom in the last few months.
How Do I Find FREEDOM in NOT Planning?
1.Not planning takes the pressure off.
One of my favorite yogis and friends LOVES rainy days. Why? Because she says there is no pressure to accomplish anything like there is on a sunny day!
The same thing happens when you resist the urge to detail every aspect of your life. You stop holding tight to a particular outcome. You stop trying to make things happen. And you tap into the feminine side of you that actually enjoys the process of creating.
2. Not planning lets me enjoy structure without overwhelming stress.
One of the many lessons yoga teaches us is to make time for things that are important. I set time aside for exercise, quiet time, husband time, kid time etc. I make “dates” with my priorities BUT I don’t mandate that I do a certain detailed thing at that scheduled time.
It would be silly (and weird) if I demanded that every time I went on a date with my husband that we, first kiss for 30 seconds, then hug for 45 seconds (to relieve stress of course) then have chicken salad at our favorite restaurant before returning home. But we sometimes use this detail oriented thinking with our own schedules. Relax. Show up for your priorities and let Life guide you once you’re there.
3.Not planning allows me explore my own needs and desires.
Self study and reflection are the main methods of personal growth. I tell my yoga students all the time that our strength and growth comes from the NOT doing AFTER the doing. The same way that muscles rebuild and get stronger when they rest AFTER a weight training session, so is the case with our emotional and spiritual development.
Each time I show up for my “priority date” I get to ask myself what I want. I get to feel into my own sense of need and desire in that moment. So when it’s my time to exercise, I can decide if I want to dance, walk in the park or practice yoga. When it’s date night I (we) can choose if we want to go for coffee, a movie or watch a game at a sports bar. This allows me to more readily express my inner world, because I don’t have to arbitrarily force myself to participate in a certain activity.
I’m by no means saying to never make plans or be detailed again. Most of us can’t help it.
But I am saying to give yourself a break sometimes. Life has a way of working out the details on its own.
Be blessed Mamas!
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