Every single day (weekends too) they went down for a 3 hours nap from 2pm to 5pm. The other stay at home moms never understood why I had to leave the outings so early. Why we just didn’t hang out all day at the playground or the spray park.
In those days I felt successful as a mom, when I DIDN’T work during nap time. When I played at the park with the kids instead of just sitting on the bench because I was too exhausted from working at 5am before they got up to play with them. I felt like a success when I baked homemade cookies and actually cleaned the bathroom.
The kids are older now. They go to school and entertain themselves, but I still struggle with the same issues of “success”. I still work often when they are home. I still have dirty floors and bathrooms that are far beyond their cleaning due dates.
But I’m much less stressed about all of that now. I actually go to bed (most days) feeling really successful and accomplished in my work as a mom.
So what changed? Nothing “out there” changed, but MY definition of success changed.
Here are three mind shifts you can make to see your own motherhood success right now.
- Give up your 1950’s definition of “motherhood”
Sure it’s great to be able to clean your own house regularly. Sure it’s great to cook home cooked meals every day. But you know what? We don’t live in the 1950’s. Life is incredibly different now, not just for moms but for our kids too. Not only am I busy working a business I love, my kids are also busy in extracurricular activities that they love.
Our time spent at home is just less than it was in past decades and that’s okay. Set your own standards of success and don’t compare yourself to anyone else, past or present.
- Set your motherhood priorities
We all have things that are super important to us. Ways of living and values that we would like to pass down to our kids. Pick the three that are most important to you and really do those well.
For instance I may not clean as often as I’d like, but I cook homemade meals almost every day. Why do I do this? First because I actually like creating new recipes and one of my favorite activities is grocery shopping. So that works out well for me. But I also believe that one of the most important life skills I can pass on to my children is healthy eating. By teaching them how to eat (and cook their own food) they learn a skill that as they get older will allow them to be healthy and active their entire life.
That’s one of my priorities so I work diligently on it. The cleaning on the other hand, well…..not so much.
- Relax Your Effort
It is really stressful to “go hard” at you goals all the time. Sure there are times when hustle is important, but not all the time. Your motherhood priorities don’t have to be met perfectly every day. There will be days that you fall a little short of your priorities.
For me, take-out pizza happens, but so what! Other days you will be completely on your game.
Celebrate that! Remember the most calm and relaxed mom is the one that gets the most done. So relax your effort. In this instance it really is the thought that counts.
No successful person, whether it be a business person or a mother, has wins all the time. We all take our losses and celebrate our success. It’s funny how the whole world around you can change when you choose to shift our focus.