Who are they?
They are the group of four young women meeting for coffee, cheesecake and some lively catch up conversation.
And even though I’m here writing, I’m enjoying witnessing their friendly interaction.
See I’ve never been a “girlfriends” kind of girl.
My mother is a loner, her mother was a loner and so am I.
I’ve always had “associates” to do things with. To go out with . To go to the gym with. And now to do play dates with. But I never really had a group of girls to really connect with.
Besides my few close friends that I’ve had for many years now, I’ve deliberately stayed clear of the girlfriend culture.
Well let’s just say that I believed the hype.
You know the “dogma” that said; “chicks bring drama and are catty”.
I believed my mom when she told me that I only needed “associates” to do things with.
Yet through all of these years I felt something lacking.
I have a wonderful relationship with my husband, but he can’t be my girlfriend. I love my daughter and my mom but they can’t be my girlfriends.
As my daughter’s Daisy Scout leader said “there are just things and ways you can’t be when boys are around.”
And I am slowly coming to realize that moms need girlfriends too.
But how in the world do you find girlfriends if you don’t live in the same town you grew up in or are a stay at home mom, or are just not so extroverted (like me)? How do you make new female friends to really hang out with?
Well I’m proud to say that I’ve been making new friends here in my new town (to my husband’s astonishment). So I’ll share some tips with you.
1. Go do things you like
Yeah I know at first sight this may not seem like a way to meet new friends, but hear me out.
I’m a mother and I go do mom things. So I’m bound to run into other moms who also like to do mom things when I’m out doing my mommy things.
I like to be involved with my kid’s schools and I have met several nice moms that also do the same.
I love to workout at the gym and I have met several nice women who also share my passion for exercise.
The bonus is, in theses situations our kids almost always play together (at school, while we do PTO meetings or at the gym daycare while we workout). This makes hanging out outside of these places that much easier, because our kids are already familiar with one another.
2. Put yourself out there.
Things like meetup.com are great resources for moms to get back into their girlfriend game. So far I’ve met a couple of really nice ladies and we have a great time together. We even connect outside of meetup for drinks or dinner or to see a show.
3. Accept invitations.
There was a time when people (very nice people) would invite me places and I would say “no” just because.
Sure I would make up a reason like “I have a really busy weekend with kids stuff” but that would usually be a lie.
The real reason I wouldn’t accept the invite was because I was scared. Scared to be one on one with a stranger. Scared to show me to a new person. How would I know if I could trust them? What if they really weren’t as nice as they seemed to be?
Did I mention I’m an introvert?
But sometimes making new girlfriends means I have to step out of my comfort zone. And guess what? I’m enjoying it!
4. Extend invitations.
Could you imagine there was a time when I didn’t invite people out with me?
After what you have just read about me, I know this sounds absurd! (Note the sarcasm)
But now I actually call (or text or email) people and ask them out. I call people when I have their phone numbers just to say “hi”. I invite them out for drinks or brunch.
Sometimes they say no. And that’s fine.
But sometimes they say yes and we have a blast together.
5. Stay away from drama.
Perhaps women are just a little bit more “emotional” than men sometimes. Sometimes we need to vent and that venting involves talking, crying and sometimes screaming.
This is all fine with me.
It’s one thing to allow yourself to be a listening ear for a friend going through a rough time. It’s a whole different story to join in as that friend verbally bashes her husband.
For me I’ve found that it’s much more productive and “friendly” to bring the high vibration to a relationship, instead of sinking to a lower vibration.
And if for some reason your new BFF just can’t get unstuck from the negativity in her life it’s perfectly fine to draw some boundaries on what you guys talk about or decide to hang out less frequently.
But if you do need to draw a line in the sand (so to speak), make your decision out of love and NOT control.
And please, put on your BIG GIRL pants on first and explain to your friend why you feel the need for boundaries and distance. She may respect your decision or she may not. Either way everything will work out fine.
6. Get over the high standards.
You know how women have their list of standards they want in a man? You know, tall, dark, handsome, neurosurgeon, under 30?
I had similar standards when it came to picking my girlfriends.
I mistakenly believed that I needed to only be friends with people who were like me. Same age range, same age of kids etc.
It’s funny now that one of the women I feel closest to and go to for very personal advice is old enough to be my mother. In many ways this woman is not much like me at all. But we get along so well! I think this is wonderful.
My newest girlfriends are older AND younger than me. Some have kids, some don’t. Some are black, some are white, some are Hispanic.
What we have in common is that we get along.
I am truly grateful for the amount of friendships I’ve made in such a short period of time in my new home. We talk we laugh we hang out (even if it is at the playground or at the gym while we sweat to a Zumba class).
It’s all good, because I know for sure that moms need girlfriends too!
How do you make new girlfriends as a mom?