Fights! They’re a natural part of being in partnership with someone. No matter how hard you try (and if you try harder) you are bound to have arguments and conflicts with your significant other.
But one day, as I was meditating on what I should do about a long-standing disagreement my husband and I had been having, a thought just occurred.
The first thought was surrender. Yelp back to that yogic principle of letting go and giving grace/god/source space to work it out for us.
But then it got deeper. As I reflected on the kind of relationship I’d love to have with my husband. One that’s open, honest, supportive and intimate, it dawned on me that I had been approaching relating to him all wrong.
In yogic philosophy we learn about the different planes that we exist on. The ego (called ahamkara in yoga), is the part of our mind that serves a necessary purpose. I know, I know, many people in the spiritual community want to slay the ego for all the trouble it causes, but it’s a part of our psyche for a reason.
It’s that part of us that keeps our physical selves safe and protected on this earth plane. It looks out for us, and forces us to take care of “me and mine.”
Unfortunately, it’s also the part of us that’s most wounded and vulnerable. It (unlike our spirit body) is susceptible to hurt, pain and despair. So when we show up in our intimate relationships with our ego running the show, we are bound to cause problems.
Our spirit Self (called the Atman in yogic philosophy) is different. It’s the part of our being that knows we are one with all things. That we share a common energetic essence, if you will. It is almost never concerned with getting our way and instead is always concerned with what is in the greatest interest of ALL involved.
When your Atman leads you in your relationships, you begin to see your spouse at their soul level. You get to see them for who they really are. You get to see them the way “God” sees them. And when you can do that, your whole interaction changes.
Instead of being upset because they didn’t respond in kind to your affection, you recognize that, 1) it’s your ego that’s hurt and 2) that your affection and love is always appreciated by their Atman.
Instead of seeking out attention from them to sooth your own hurt ego, you begin to approach them with love, just because love is the natural expression of your soul.
Meditation becomes so important, not just because ideas seem to come to you like magic, but because meditation is really a practice of connecting with your own Source/Soul/Atman. Learn more about how meditation can create more peace and ease in your mom life in this FREE mini-meditation course.
It’s a practice that allows you to see yourself as you really are. And the cool thing is, when you can see yourself “rightly” then its that much easier to see your boo thang in the same light.
As a perfectly complete loving soul, embodied by an ego, that sometimes, scratches, punches and fights to protect what doesn’t even need protection.
All I’m saying Mamas is perspective in marriage is everything! In marriage, fight the good fight, but always let your True Self run the show!
Here’s to an intimately, loving and accepting week Mamas