We’ve all heard the old cliché “hurt people hurt people.”  The idea that if you are in pain, whether it be emotional, physical or spiritual pain you are bound to inflict some pain on the ones around you, EVEN if it’s not intended.

I had this revelation for myself last week.  And then I keep seeing examples of it everywhere.

The revelation for me came in a simple way that most women can identify with.

I stepped on the scale!!!! (DUN DUN DUN!!!!)

I was astounded at what it said to me.  For me, reading that number said, “Keya you are undisciplined in this area of your life. You have dropped the ball.”  My ego said, “You stupid, fat _______.”

All day I was MAD.  I was unhappy with myself and my most recent lack of control at the dinner table.  I was mad that I had not kept track of my diet and done the things that someone with my health and fitness background should have done.

By extension of my own anger, hurt and disappointment, I WAS NOT HAPPY WITH ANYONE ELSE.

I was quick tempered and impatient with my children that day.  I had a bad attitude with my husband.

They hadn’t done anything to upset me.  But I was unhappy with MYSELF and so found it so difficult to be happy with THEM.

I was a hurt person.  And I hurt my family that day because of it.

I look at some of the things that have happened in my life.  Some of the people who have done things to hurt me the most and the same trend is evident.

They themselves were hurting.

My father was hurting.

My mother was hurting.

My brother was hurting.

My husband was hurting.

I have read and heard all this “spiritual talk” (that I called mumbo jumbo) about how when you do the things to bring YOURSELF joy, you uplift the world.

I used to hear that and think, “That doesn’t make any sense.  MY joy is MY joy. My joy doesn’t bring joy to anyone else.”

But I’m realizing right now that your joy does bring joy to others.  And it does by way of this simple mechanism:

When you are hurting you are bound by licking your own wounds and worrying about your own selfish (perceived needs) getting met.  You hurt others because you use them either as your punching bag or as a pon to get what you feel you want.

But when you are joyful you are free and have the capacity to help, encourage, and uplift others just for the sake of doing it.

From a space of joy you help just to be helpful. You love just to be loving…..NOT so that you can get money, power or attention (or anything else) in return.

It doesn’t matter how much I hide my unhappiness.  It doesn’t matter how much I sweep it under the rug and repress it.  I doesn’t matter how much I INTEND NOT to hurt anyone.

I will ALWAYS continue to spread sadness and hurt to those around me if I am hurt and unhappy myself.

The best gift I can give my loved ones and the world around me, is to find my joy.  To learn how to be happy with myself.  To learn how to be happy in the ABSENCE of “stuff” (houses, lots of money etc).

To learn how to be happy JUST BECAUSE I AM.

And this is true of each and every one of us.  We are connected this way.

MY joy is YOUR joy.  MY hurt is YOUR hurt. Be JOY today!

Peace and Blessings Mamas

Keya