When I found out I would be moving from my beloved home not too long ago, I was sad but okay.
When I learned that I would be losing a contract that had consistently paid my bills for 13 years, I was bummed but okay.
When I realized I couldn’t move into the house I wanted and I had to live out of hotels and grandma’s house for a month I was irritated but okay.
And then when I realized this running a business thing was hard as F@#K, I was determined, but okay!
#REALTALK: As all of these things happened at the same time, I was NOT okay.
Bit by bit, with each “failure,” with each “take-away” my confidence, my sense of Self and my joy felt as though it was slipping away too.
During that turbulent time, I had to re-learn what it meant to be ME. I had to dig deep inside of what and who I think I’m suppose to be and allow me the real me to shine out.
MY YOGA PRACTICE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND WORST ENEMY
I know that if it hadn’t have been for my consistent yoga practice (asana, meditation, mantra, pranayama) that I would be sitting on a shrink’s couch at least every week right now. And maybe that wouldn’t even be enough. Perhaps I’d be on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds too.
During this time my yoga practice was my best friend. It comforted me in times of discomfort. It helped me find my place in this world again. BUT at the same time my yoga practice was my worst enemy, because its forced me to confront all my demons. My self-esteem and self-worth issues. Resentments I’d harbored for people I love most. (Including myself).
The point I’m making here is that many moms, think that they are not allowed to NOT have their shit together.
That they are supposed to be smiling, peppy and neatly groomed all the time.
But the truth is, that some days (or weeks, or months or years) are just plain rotten and you wish they never happened. Life as a REAL LIFE practicing yogini is not always pretty and that’s totally okay!
Sometimes in our lives we are NOT “ourselves”. Instead we are someplace between the woman we were and the woman we are becoming.
And that place… that transitional place is scary and messy and it can make you an absolute WRECK.
And that’s okay too.
It’s okay to be a wreck sometimes. Its okay to go through this process (as we all will several times in our lives).
As I tell my students, when we are holding a long and intense posture in class, know that it will be over soon enough.
Breathe through it. Center into who you want to be so that you can help “steer” yourself into a new life you love.
And always, always remember, that you are supported. You are loved. You are wrapped in grace. And you are provided for!
Here’s to a wreck-free week mama!