I’m at this point where I want to let go of EVERYTHING. Like live a completely open-hearted life, where I am okay with whatever comes and I only act when I feel compelled to do so. (How very yogic of me)
But what scares me so much?
I feel like I’ll parish if I don’t keep my hands on the wheel. Do you feel that way too?
Although I realize I’m blocking my joy, my health and even my wealth if I don’t let go. Michael Singer, author of The Untethered Soul, says even when the negative samskaras/emotions come up, bless them, relax and release them. That’s certainly easier said than done.
I want a clean pure heart. I want the anger, resentment and sadness to leave. I just don’t want it anymore. I don’t feel protected by it any more.
But, I get so caught up in head. Trying to analyze and explain it. But honestly, I don’t want to do that that either. I just want to feel it and let it pass. It’ll be over soon. Right?
I don’t want to name it. Examine it. Or even comprehend it. I know when I’m not feeling good. So I don’t need to try to explain it or figure it out.
Sure, what I’m feeling in the present could be about something present or past. But it doesn’t matter. If I’m feeling negative can’t I just let myself have a shitty day? Or a shitty moment? Can’t I just go to sleep or pray or read?
Won’t it all be better tomorrow, like I often tell my kids when they’re sick?
The truth is, I’m learning that the next day IS usually better. Funkalicious moods really don’t last that long. And so reason would tell me that if I just want a pure heart. If I just want the pain to go. And if I’m feeling bad or triggered and I want to cry. Then I should cry. Or scream. Or write. Or whatever. You know, to pass the time. Maybe take a nap. Or go to bed early.
And of course, bless the negativity that has come and thank it for coming. Know and be glad that it will be leaving soon. Know that it is just energy. I don’t need to make a thing out of it. I don’t need to analyze it. Just let it walk on by.